Vigorous Sex: Communication, Techniques, and Boundaries
Vigorous sex can be both fun and exciting, but because it’s more intense, you need to have communication skills on lock, a few go-to techniques to try with a partner, and consent, guidelines, and boundaries established.
The beauty of rougher sex is that it can be interchangeable with other forms of intimacy, offering a great way to spice things up and explore different power dynamics within your sexual connection. It’s a legitimate part of the diverse spectrum of sexual tastes. The key is ensuring everything is explicitly consensual, openly discussed, and safe.
What is Vigorous Sex?
Most people describe vigorous sex as more physically intense and passionate than your garden-variety lovemaking. Rough sex often includes (consensual):
· Impact play: Spanking or slapping.
· Restraining: Pinning someone’s wrists down.
· Pain or breath play: Choking, scratching, biting.
· Commanding language, dirty talk, and Dominance/submission.
Why Do We Want It?
Vigorous sex is liberating. It’s an escape from the buttoned-up confines of polite society. When you’re doing rough sex with someone you trust, you can safely explore:
· Freedom in bed: Feel wilder than everyday life.
· Taboo/naughtiness: Feel transgressive, like you’re doing something you shouldn’t.
· Increased intimacy: Rough sex is vulnerable.
· Heightened arousal: Athletic sex means more genital sensitivity, heavier breathing, and bigger orgasms.
Only Do It If You’re Down
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no. Vigorous sex can be exciting and fun, but it’s also sensitive. Open communication and verbal consent are mandatory.
Consent questions could look like:
· How would it feel if we tried ___?
· I’d love to try ___ with you, what do you think?
· May I ___ (bite/scratch/pull your hair/etc.) a little?
Don’t Go Hard All at Once and Try a Safe Word
One misconception about rough sex is that it’s ALL rough. Not so! One of the most enjoyable aspects is the steady build of intensity.
Stay present, go slow, and tune into your partner. Safe words are essential. Try the traffic light system: “red” for stop, “yellow” for slow down, and “green” for keep going.
7 Ways to Play
1. Restraining: Press their hips into the wall, hold their wrists down, or use bondage tape/rope.
2. Spanking: Start with light, open-handed slaps and progress as comfortable.
3. Body/Face Ejaculation: Ensure comfort and consent, avoid sensitive areas.
4. Nail Play: Run your fingernails down their back or gently press nails into thighs.
5. Hair-pulling: Start by running fingers through hair, then escalate to pulling close to the scalp.
6. Nipple Play: Squeeze, nibble, or use vibrating nipple clamps.
7. Choking: Apply pressure to the sides of the throat, not the front. Have a safe action for immediate stop.
Have Aftercare
Follow up vigorous sex with tenderness. “Aftercare” includes cuddles, talking, closeness—anything that makes you both feel safe. It’s a nice contrast to the roughness and allows for bonding after doing something vulnerable together.
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